


Something Wonderful

by atearsarahjane



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-11-24 21:11:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18169922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atearsarahjane/pseuds/atearsarahjane
Summary: Set in 2.6. What if the first set of tests in the hospital, before Sister Bernadette entered the Sanatorium, had flagged up another issue. One that will change her life forever? Definitely AU.Originally posted on ff.net in 2014/5





	1. Chapter 1

'Doctor Turner? Come in.' Dr Mathhews said nervously. Patrick paled. He'd worked on and off with the man for nearly 10 years now and had never seen him so anxious. This did not bode well. 'Take a seat. I think you'll want to sit down for this.'

 

'She does doesn't she? Sister Bernadette had tuberculosis? How bad is it?' He frowned. For the past 2 months he had been engaged in a love affair with the Scottish nun and had fallen hopelessly in love with her. He couldn't bear to think of her being ill. He wasn't prepared to lose the love of his life.

 

'Yes she does but thankfully we caught it before it got too bad. She'll be okay.'

 

'What is it then? What's wrong?'

 

'We noticed something else.'

 

'What do you mean?' Patrick's mind raced as endless medical possibilities raced through his mind.

 

'There's been a rather unexpected development.'

 

'I see.' He croaked. This changed everything. 'May I be the one to inform the Sister. Shocking news is always better from a friendly face.'

 

'Of course. Do you wish me to accompany you?'

 

'No. Thank you.' He didn't quite know how he was going to break the news to his beloved but he knew he had to do it alone.

 

'As you wish.'

 

'Sister Bernadette.' Patrick smiled tersely as he walked into the room. As soon as he shut the room she rushed into his arms.

 

'Patrick!'

 

'Oh Shelagh. My darling, beautiful Shelagh.' He sighed heavily, brushing his lips against her forehead.

 

'Oh no. Is it bad? Patrick please, tell it to me straight-am I going to die?' She asked, eyes dancing with barely restrained panic.

 

'No my love, you're not going to die. You do have tuberculosis but we've caught it in time.' He smiled reassuringly down at her. He dropped a kiss to her lips. 'You're not leaving this world just yet.'

 

'Then why do you look so worried?'

 

'They discovered something else whilst examining you.'

 

'What is it?' She furrowed her brow confused. She'd barely had any symptoms for the TB let alone anything else.

 

'Darling you're pregnant.' He said gently, taking her hand in his. Her jaw dropped and she stared at him wide eyed for a moment.

 

'…I'm sorry I must have misheard you.'

 

'You're pregnant. You're having a baby. We're going to be parents.' He smiled.

 

'I'm having a baby?' Her eyes widened further as her hand fell to her stomach.

 

'Yes.'

 

'A baby? A real life baby? Your baby?' She dropped into a nearby seat. 'But I have tuberculosis!' She looked up panicked at him. He sat next to her and brought her hand to his mouth.

 

'It's only in your lungs. So long as you rest completely and take an alternate, though still just as effective, course of medication, then baby should be fine. You'll also need very regular check-ups to make sure it doesn't spread.'

 

'A baby. Our baby. This changes everything.' She rested her head against his shoulder.

 

'Indeed.' He sighed manouvering his arm so it now lay over her shoulder. She snuggled into him before a thought occurred to her and she shot up.

 

'I'm not getting rid of it. Or putting it up for adoption.'

 

'I don't want you to. Marry me.'

 

'Was that one sentence or two?'

 

'Two. Definitely two. I've said many times over the past two months that I would marry you in a heartbeat if I could. If you weren't a nun.'

 

'You also said you wouldn't make love to me whilst I was a nun and yet here we are.' She grinned as she brought his hand to join hers on the place their child was growing. He beamed back at her.

 

'What do you say then?' He dropped down on one knee. 'I love you Shelagh Mannion and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don't want to hide it anymore. I want to be a family-you, me, Tim and our baby. Maybe even more after that. I want you to be Tim's Mum, I want to raise our children together. I want to be your husband. Nothing would make me prouder. Please, will you marry me Shelagh?'

 

'Yes Patrick.' She cried. 'Yes I will marry you.'

 

'Yes!' He shouted as he laughed rejoicingly. She giggled as he jumped up and span her around before engaging her in a deep kiss.

 

''I want to be your wife. I want to be a Mum to our, at the least, two children. I do not know what the future holds for me but if this illness kills me I want to die as your wife.'

 

'You're not going to die. I won't allow it.'

 

'Yes sir.' She chuckled. 'Though I may not survive Sister Evangelina after I tell Nonnatus I'm leaving the Order to marry you and that it's too late to object and stop us because I'm already pregnant. Did Dr Matthews say how far along I am?'

 

'5 weeks. We've got a little tadpole sized baby darling.'

 

'Our tadpole.'

 

'The best little tadpole in the world.' He kissed her belly. 'Hey little tadpole. I know you can't hear me yet because you don't have any ears yet but I want you to know that I already love you so much, and your big brother Timothy is going to adore you-'

 

'-tell her Mummy loves her too.' Shelagh grinned, not quite able to believe she was allowed to say those words.'

 

'And I have from the horse's mouth that Mummy loves you too. And that you're a girl. Though between you and I it's probably best if I don't refer to Mummy as a horse again. Particularly in the coming months when you start making her all moody.'

 

'What are we going to do for the coming months?' Shelagh sighed as reality caught up to her.

 

'I think maybe we should leave Poplar, if that's what you want of course.'

 

'I think I have to. I don't want Tadpole here to be at the centre of a scandal. She, or he, deserves better than that. We all deserve better than what the gossips will bring to us. But it's such a big change.' She sighed collapsing back into the chair.

 

'We're already pregnant and getting married. You've already said you'll leave the Order. It doesn't get bigger than that.' He pointed out smirking.

 

'Yes. Alright let's do it. Let's leave Poplar. Let's start afresh somewhere new. Together. Tonight, when I go back to Nonnatus House I'll tell them. Then tomorrow I'll go to the Sanatorium and we'll get married as soon as is humanely possible, before I get too weak. Then, if I survive this, we'll move somewhere new.' She promised.

 

'When you survive this. I have absolute faith in this treatment and you have faith in God's protection of you. Between us we've got the faith covered. And I'll start enquiring later today about places to live. Do you have a preference? Would you like to go back to Alford? Somewhere else in Scotland?' He offered.

 

'Not Alford. Too many awkward questions. Other than that I don't mind. So long as I have you, Timmy and Tadpole I don't care.'

 

'I love you so much Shelagh. I'm very happy about all of this, besides the TB of course.' He amended laughing.

 

'So am I. This is the start of something wonderful.'


	2. Chapter 2

Shelagh walked up to the steps to Nonnatus, unable to shake the feeling she was walking to her doom. Melodramatic maybe but she was about to explain to her religious sisters that she was pregnant. She couldn't help but think back to the four days that had led to this one.

 

1\. The Day They Admitted Their Love

 

She knocked on the door reassuring herself that passers by wouldn't be able to know her intentions. She worked with him day in day out. It was perfectly logical for her to be there. Nobody would suspect. They had no idea that the last time she and the doctor had lain eyes on each other he had kissed her hand amend opened up her heart to unbearable pain. The door swans open.

 

'Sister Bernadette?!' He gaped.

 

'May I come in Doctor?' She asked quietly, studiously looking over his shoulder.

 

'Of course?'

 

'Thank you.' They walked through to his sitting room silently and she perched on the end of his armchair. The silence continued, both struggling to find adequate words to follow their previous actions.

 

'I'm sorry-''why did you. Sorry Doctor. What were you going to say?'

 

'After you Sister.'

 

'Thanks.' She took a deep breath before she burst out. 'Why did you kiss me?'

 

'I am sorry about that. It truly was unforgivable.'

 

'But why did you do it?'

 

'I'm weak.'

 

'I'm sorry?' She frowned. He dropped down onto the sofa, close enough that he could he could reach her if necessary whilst still retaining a respectable distance

 

'I'm weak. I should have reigned in my feeling better.'

 

'your feelings? You have feelings for me?' He nodded humbly. 'tell me. Tell me what these feelings are. Please. I need to know. Tell me and I promise I won't think badly of you.' He smiled at her characteristic kindness. He leant forwards and took her hand in his.

 

'I'm in love with you Sister. God forgive me but I am. I've tried so hard not to be but it just gets stronger and stronger.'

 

'I love you too.'

 

'That's lovely Sister but I wasn't talking in a fraternal sense.'

 

'Neither was I.' She squeezed his hand. 'I've fallen in love with you Doctor Turner but I couldn't admit it to myself until you kissed my hand. I can't stop thinking about it. Or you.'

 

'That puts in quite the quandary then.'

 

'Indeed. I don't want to stop being a nun. Right now that's too much for me to handle. But I don't want to not be with you either.' She explained.

 

'What do you suggest we do then? Short of having a secret relationship I came think of any way to have both.'

 

'Then let's have a secret relationship. God forgive me.'

 

'Are you sure?' He asked tentatively. This was a big event, life changing. He refused to proceed unless she was completely certain.

 

'I'm sure. I love you Doctor.'

 

'Well in that case you should probably call me Patrick.'

 

'Patrick.' She smiled. 'You should probably call me Shelagh then.'

 

'Shelagh? That's a beautiful name.'

 

'It was my grandmothers name. She died about a week before I was born.'

 

'I'm sorry.'

 

'Thank you.'

 

'I want to know everything about you yet I barely know where to begin.' He exclaimed softly.

 

'How long do you have?'

 

'For you? Forever.' He smiled

 

'I'd better start at the beginning then.' She grinned.

 

2\. The Day They Kissed For The First Time

 

It had been 2 weeks since that day yet they had yet to properly kiss. Shelagh had not been confident enough to broach the subject. Neither could think of anything else however. They had exchanged mild tokens of affection, a kiss to the hand, a brush of his lips against her forehead, a chaste peck on her cheek but had gone no further. She almost worried that he had gone off of her. No matter, she would find her way to the truth. She was determined to change that however.

 

'Patrick?' She said suddenly. He looked over at her. She scolded herself. Whenever he looked at her like that she felt foolish. He adored her. It was plain to see. She smiled.

 

'Yes my love?'

 

'Why haven't you kissed me?' She asked brashly. His jaw dropped. He stared at her silently for a minute before choking out-

 

'Pardon?'

 

'Why haven't you kissed me yet? I mean you've kissed me on the cheek and the hand but you haven't kissed me yet. It's okay if you don't want to...In know the habit is a bit of a repellent.'

 

'My darling there is nothing I want more than to kiss you. To kiss you and never stop kissing you until the day I die. But that's the problem. Once I kiss you I won't be able to stop. Kissing you would be the greatest honour in the world but-'

 

'Who said I wanted you to ever stop?' She smirked. 'Who says I don't want to kiss you forever?'

 

'Oh Shelagh. My beautiful Shelagh. Are you certain? Everything will be so much more real. There'll be no turning back. I don't want to rush you.'

 

'You aren't rushing me. You gave me the time and space to come to you when I was ready. I love you even more for it. But please Patrick. Kiss me.'

 

'I wanted to do it somewhere special. After a romantic meal or something like that.'

 

'I'm not sure we'll ever manage to go out for a romantic meal Patrick. But even if we did this moment is special. Because it's us. Forget everything else. Right now we're just Patrick and Shelagh-two crazy kids hopelessly in love with each other. Patrick I want you to kiss me. I don't want to turn back. Kiss me.'

 

'With pleasure sweetheart.' He pulled her up off the sofa and into his arms. One arm wrapped around her waist, the raised to her face. He brushed his thumb across her lips, smiling when she puckered them to lay a tender kiss to its bud. 'I love you Shelagh.'

 

'I love you too Patrick. So much.' He lowered his head to hers and time became meaningless. The only thing in the entire universe that mattered was his breath, warm on her lips as he took her lower one between his. He kissed her reverently, agonizingly slow before pulling back. She smiled.

 

'That was nice.'

 

'It was perfect.'

 

'I don't know. More practice can't hurt surely?'

 

'It's worth a try. And don't call me Shirley.' Her exasperated groan was cut off as he descended once more.

 

3\. The Day They Made Love For The First Time

 

'I'd ask you to marry me if you weren't a nun.' Patrick sighed looking down at the woman curled up in his arms. She looked up and he tucked an errant lock if hair behind her ear.

 

'I'd say yes if I wasn't a nun.'

 

'But you are a nun.' He said resigned.

 

'And so we can't.' She frowned, eyes flashing with a deep sadness.

 

'You're married to God.'

 

'Yes. I am. Where's this all come from suddenly?'

 

'It doesn't matter. How was your day? I heard Nurse Franklin say you'd had a hard case.

 

'My love? Don't change the subject. Why raise that now?'

 

'You'd be disappointed in me. It might scare you away.' He admitted looking ashamed

 

'I can handle it Patrick.'

 

'I love you so much...' He trailed off, grasping for the best way to explain himself.

 

'And I love you too. What's the problem?'

 

'I want to make love to you. But I can't, because we can't get married.'

 

'Oh.' She gaped at him, sitting up straight to look him straight in the eye. He paled.

 

'I've frightened you. I'm sorry.'

 

'No Patrick. You haven't frightened me. Not at all. I want it too.' She admitted, quietly, but strongly. 'Ever since you kissed me I've been thinking about it. I have had many dreams. When I awoke this morning I came to a decision. If He gave me a sign I would come to you fully with His blessing. He knows it is only circumstance that prevents us from marrying,not lack of love or a lack of devotion. We are completely dedicated to each other. Our souls are already intertwined.' She explained, smirking at she watched his face go from confused, to quietly hopeful, to euphoric before settling back on confusion.

 

'Are you saying what I think you're saying?' He gulped, hardly able to believe it.

 

'I want to make love with you Patrick.'

 

'You have no idea how wonderful it is to her you say that. But I want you to sleep on it. This isn't something to be rushed into.' He said though the words obviously pained him

 

'I'm not rushing anything. Patrick look at me. I've thought about it and I've made my decision. Take me to bed.'

 

'Yes my love.' They grinned before capturing her in a sweet kiss pouring his devotion into every movement.. He took her hand and led her through to his bedroom.

 

4\. The Day They Became Parents (Even If They Didn't Know It At The Time)

 

It was an ordinary day really. Nothing of note had happened. Timothy had been visiting Granny Parkers house and so Shelagh had visited under the pretence of going over some patient files. Instead it had been Patrick who'd had received an in depth going over.

 

'What did I ever do to deserve you?' He sighed contentedly as she slunk back up his body to rest her cheek over his heart, proud to note it's heightened pace.

 

'I'm not sure. Did you save any chicken from a burning building? Donate lots of money to charity? You must have done something right. I'm not cheap in karmic currency.'

 

'I love you.' He chuckled as she nuzzled into his neck.

 

'I love you darling.'

 

'You do? Prove it?'

 

'It's such a hard life I live.'

 

'I should go. Tim will be back from his Granny's soon.' She sighed as she finished redressing.

 

'I hate this part.'

 

'So do I. But it's worth it, all of the sneaking around, the pretending in public. For being with you, being loved by you. It's all worth it.'

 

'I know. Until the next time my darling.'

 

'Bye Patrick.' She walked out and he watched her sadly, sighing as she left the flat. Both ruminating on their pain, both unaware they'd just made the solution that was soon to begin growing within her.

 

Shelagh smiled at the memories. No matter what would happen inside Nonnatus House she had a family, she was walking the right road. Taking a deep breath for courage she raised her hand and knocked, ready to face whatever He was about to throw at her.


	3. Chapter 3

'Sister! Come in come in.' Sister Julienne dragged her inside. 'Do sit down.' Shelagh smiled as she did so. Everyone piled in, desperate to find out if someone they cared about was about to leave them for an indefinite period of time.

'Well?'

'I have early stage tuberculosis as suspected.'

'Oh no!' Trixie gasped, tears pooling in her eyes.

'I am to go to a sanatorium tomorrow morning. Dr Turner will drive me again. I'm lucky, it's still in the early stages and I'm going to one of the best sanatoriums in the country apparently. I forget what it's called.' She smiled. 'I'm going to be just fine. Dr Turner says I am definitely going to beat this.'

'Oh that is good news. I am glad.' Sister Julienne smiled as they all let out audible sighs of relief. 'There's something else isn't there.' Jane  
said staring at Sister Bernadette intensely. They all stared at the surprisingly insightful woman confused before noting Sister Bernadette nod gently, paling beyond levels any of them had seen on her.

'Yes. There is.' She gulped

'My dear what is it?'

'I wanted to speak with you in private about it first Sister but seeing as you're all here...'

'Sister?'

'I..' She broke off and took a deep breath 'i wish to leave the order.' There was a shocked silence.

'I'm sorry I think I must have misheard you.'

'I want to leave the order.'

'You mean move to a different convent?' Sister Julienne asked panicked.

'I mean I no longer want to be Sister Bernadette. I don't want to be a nun anymore.'

'Why? Where's this come from?'

'I've been considering it for a while now. Then i was diagnosed with a potentially fatal illness and my future became clear. I know what I want. If I die I don't want to die as a nun. I want to die married to the man I love.'

'The what?' Jenny gasped.

'I have fallen in love. And he has fallen in love with me. We've engaged in a secret relationship for several months. And we're getting married.'

'Preposterous!' Sister Evangelina cried. 'Where'd you getting a stupid idea like that? Was it him? This young man of yours? Who does he think he is putting such ideas in an impressionable young mind. It's okay sister you've had a hard day. Just tell me who he is and I'll sort him out.'

'Which is precisely why I'm not telling you who it is.'

'You have to! He can't be allowed to make a nun think of leaving. He's disgusting.'

'Its not his fault!' Shelagh said angrily. 'Don't you go blaming him!'

'Don't you raise your voice at me!'

'If you start insulting the man I love I certainly will raise my voice!'

'I'm only trying to protect you from harm.

'By hurting me?' She shouted.

'Look it's not too late. We can fix this. Is he forcing you to do this?'

'You're unbelievable! And for your information it is far too late for you to do anything.'

'What because the two of you are in love with each other?'

'No. Well yes, we do love each other beyond reason but I was actually referring to the fact that I'm 5 weeks pregnant.' Shelagh huffed. 

'...' It was some considerable seconds before another sound was heard.

'You're...What?' Sister Evangelina growled, dangerously lowly.

'I'm 5 weeks pregnant. With child. Knocked up.'

'You broke your vow?' Sister Julienne asked distressed.

'I did. If it wasn't for my being a nun we'd have been married months ago. I love him, already consider him my husband in my heart. We are completely devoted to each other and want to spend our lives together. I woke up one day, after a dream, deciding that if He wanted me to break my vow, if He wanted me to walk that path then he would give me a sign. Later that day my man expressed his wish to marry me and make love to me and how sad he was that he couldn't. I took that as the sign. Sooner or later I was going to end up leaving the order to be with him. Tadpole just ...sped up the process.'

'Tadpole?'

'My baby is about the size of one so P-my fiancé named it Tadpole.'

'Aww.' The nurses cooed.

Sister Evangelina stood and moved to face Shelagh. Shelagh gulped.

'You are a disgrace. You've brought shame to the order, to Nonnatus, to Poplar, to your sisters, to your friends.' Shelagh eyes began to fill with tears. 'You are a selfish, disgusting little whore and I am ashamed to be associated with you. I hope God can forgive you for this because I can't. You have betrayed Him and us. I hope you get what's coming to you. You make me sick.' She shouted into her face. Shelagh whimpered at the force of the attack.

'Sister Julienne?' Shelagh turned to the closest thing to a mother. The nun met her eyes. The disappointment and disgust in her eyes caused Shelagh to stumble backwards.

'Please...sister?' Sister Julienne walked out. Trixie reached out for her but she stepped out of reach,shaking slightly. 'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come. I knew you wouldn't take this well. I just thought you deserved to know face to face. I'm sorry. Goodbye everyone. This will most likely be the last time I ever see you. I love you.' Shelagh sobbed as she ran out of the room and outside. There was a stunned silence, nobody quite sure how to react to the actions of the past few minutes.

'We can't just let her leave!' Trixie cried eventually.

'I'm not going after her. The slut!' Sister Evangelina glared at them before storming out.

'Sister Julienne?'

'Oh dear. You'll help me won't you?' Trixie turned to the other nurses.

'Of course.' They rushed out the front door but their friend was nowhere to be seen.

Where might she go?'

'The church?'

'Maybe but I doubt it. I think she'll want to stay away from religious places right now. However I don't have a better idea. Let's go.'

'Okay we've tried the church, the dockyard, the parish hall, the park. Where on earth could she be? I doubt she was able to find lodgings that quickly and without an awkward explanation.'

'Even if she did we wouldn't know who to ask for.'

'Perhaps she jumped on a bus?'

'Maybe. Wait! Doctor Turner is driving her to the sanatorium! He might know where she is?' 'Or if he doesn't then he could pass on a message.'

'Sounds like a plan.'


	4. Chapter 4

'Nurses? What can I do for you?' Patrick asked nervously as he opened the door. 'Come in out of the cold!'

'Sister Bernadette ran away. We've searched everywhere but we can't find her and we're very worried. We thought you might have an idea about where she might be seeing as she said you were picking her up tomorrow.' Cynthia explained as they piled into the flat.

'Oh. Um.'

'Doctor please. We just want to make sure she's okay. She's our friend. A very dear friend. We just want to make sure she's okay. Did she tell you about her...condition?'

'If you're referring to her pregnancy then yes. I told her actually.'

'We want her to know that we're not angry. That we'll support her. That we still love her.'

'You do?' Came a quiet, yet familiar voice behind them. They span around shocked to see Sister Bernadette standing in the doorway in an oversized man's shirt and pyjama trousers with her newly exposed long blonde hair tumbling loose over her shoulders.

'Sister Bernadette?'

'You don't hate me?' She asked nervously.

'Of course we don't. We love you. What are you doing here?' Trixie asked.

'Well...' She looked thoughtful for a moment before smiling and walking over to Dr Turner who drew her against him. 'Meet the father of my child, my fiancé, Doctor Patrick Turner.' She smiled up at him. The was a stunned silence. 'Please say something.' She frowned, worried that this was one revelation too far. Though, she mused, she'd expected that to be the revelation she was pregnant, not the identity of its origin.

'You've been having an illicit affair with, are engaged to, Doctor Turner? The local gp? Who we work with day in day out?'

'Yes. I'm sorry, I know this is a surprise.' She wrung her hands together before he took them in hers, stilling her.

'The past 24 hours have been one big surprise.' Jenny smiled shocked.

'You're telling me!' Shelagh giggled, relieved that they hadn't instantly rejected the situation. 'So. Comments? Opinions?'

'Are you happy? With Doctor Turner and your baby? Are you truly happy?' Trixie asked tentatively.

'Very much so.' Shelagh beamed as Patrick dropped a kiss to her crown. 'I've never been happier.'

'Neither have I.' He grinned.

'Then I'm happy for you.' She hugged the soon to be former nun. 'So very happy. Congratulations to you both, on the baby and the engagement.'

'Thank you.' They received similar comments from the rest of the nurses.

'Would you like a drink? I'm afraid we don't have any Horlicks.' Shelagh thrilled internally at the domesticity of the moment and the fact she could finally say we and have it mean what she wanted. They settled on the assembled seats as Patrick brought their tea over.

'Sorry about my attire. I wasn't expecting anyone to come after me.'

'You look lovely. Really quite beautiful. I always wondered what colour hair you'd have.' Jenny smiled.

'How are you for clothing? Do you want to borrow some of mine? I'm sure we're similar sizes.' Trixie offered.

'We're about the same height. You can have any if my clothes.' Cynthia added. Shelagh began to tear up.

'Thank you. You are all being so wonderful. I don't deserve it after everything I've done. But we stopped off at a shop on the way back from the hospital. I'm far from bountiful in the sartorial department but I have enough to get by. After I leave the sanatorium I'll need to buy more. I definitely won't fit into your clothes by then.' She laughed as she glanced at her still flat stomach.

'I can't believe that you, sister Bernadette, are pregnant. It's mind boggling.'

'But wonderful.' Cynthia added.

'I still wake up confused about it to be honest.' Shelagh chuckled. 'But please, that name no longer applies to me. Call me Shelagh.'

'Shelagh. It'll take a while to get used to but I like it.'

'It's a very pretty name.' Jane said quietly.

'Thank you.'

'What are you going to do now then?'

'Tomorrow I enter the sanatorium. Then we get married asap.'

'Then I begin to search for houses and jobs wherever we decide to live and resign my position here.'

'We can't stay here with the gossiping and scandal. The two of us, Tim and Tadpole deserve better than that. And with the sisters I can't stay.'

'I understand. I do hope you don't go too far away though. That's my honorary nephew or niece in there and I intend to spoil them rotten.' Trixie grinned.

'Thank you. We don't quite know where we'll go yet but I doubt it will be too far away.'

'Good.'

'After that I leave the sanatorium and live with my family. Live with the man I love as we raise our children together.'

'It sounds delightful.'

'Doesn't it.' Patrick grinned.

'Could you...Could you not tell the sisters where I am tonight. Or which sanatorium I'll be in. I want to keep in contact with you nurses. You're like family to me and I don't want to lose you now I know you don't hate me. But I can't face the sisters. Not after the way they reacted. I know I did very wrong in their eyes but they hurt me.'

'We understand.'

'No word shall pass our lips that you do not want to.'

'Thank you.'

'How does Timothy feel about this?'

'He's taken it remarkably well. He already knew that we were together...He walked in on us kissing and started panicking about a week or two ago.' Shelagh explained giggling at the memory. 'He's not overly pleased to leave his friends but he's excited to get a younger sibling.'

'And a mum. He's most excited you're going to be his mum. And I can't say I blame him. You're wonderful my love.'

'This is so strange.' Jenny groaned into Trixie's shoulder. The phone rang.

'Excuse me.' Patrick dashed out of the room.

'how...how did this happen?' Jane asked.

'Short story? We both fell in love, we both fought it, Patrick cracked and kissed me, I rejected him but gave in a few days later and went to him. I hadn't looked back since. And now I'm going to have a baby.' She grinned goofily as she lay a hand over her belly.' Even with all the hurt I've caused I don't regret a second.'

'You're going to be a mum!'

'I know. I've never been more excited in my life.' Shelagh radiated joy. Patrick walked back in.

'There's been an accident down at the docks. I'm needed there. I don't know how long I'll be. Sounds like it might be a long time. Tim'll be back from cubs in about an hour.'

'Right so pump him full of coffee, let him loose in the kitchen with the knives and don't let him go to bed before 1am?'

'Spot on. Bye love.' He leant down and kissed her slowly before nodding at the now squealing nurses.

'Bye.' She grinned after his retreating figure.

'You two are very lovely together.' Jane smiled.

'Thank you Jane. Are you okay there Trixie?' The blonde had paled.

'When he bent down to kiss you I got a good sight of his backside. And it was not bad. I'm just trying to reconcile that thought with the fact it's doctor Turner.'

'You should try seeing without the trousers on. Much superior.' Shelagh smiled absently before realising what she'd just said and gasping, hand clasped to her mouth as the nurses choked on their drinks.

'I cannot believe you just said that.' Cynthia gaped 'About Doctor Turner!'

'I know. It is strange isn't it. Even though we love each other deeply it was very odd at the beginning. About 10 minutes after we first kissed he started panicking because he'd just made out with a nun and was a bad person as a result.' Shelagh chuckled at the memory. Patrick was particularly adorable in panic mode with his hair sticking up at all angles thanks to the many times he ran his hands through it.

'Poor man.'

'Aye. I'm really going to miss you all. It's going to be strange not seeing you everyday.' Shelagh frowned.

'We'll come visit you as much as we can without telling the nuns where you are and we'll write all the time and phone you. You'll be sick of us by the time Tadpole is born.'

'I doubt that highly. I see you every day at the moment.'

'But now that you've left the Order we can be proper friends and talk like we haven't before. And we know basically nothing about you so there's going to be a lot of questions.'

'You should probably go back to Nonnatus at some point, we, you, can't cope with only 2 midwives around, but I'm free to questions now. I'm hardly going anywhere.'

'What time did the nurses leave?' Patrick asked slipping into their bed. She rolled over to face him. He leant forwards and kissed her nose making her giggle softly.

'About half an hour after you did. They didn't want to make the others suspicious.'

'I'm sorry the nuns didn't react as well as you'd hoped.' He sighed heavily. As soon as they had explained the situation to Timothy and sent him off to play at Jack's house before cubs Shelagh had gone into panic mode, fretting over any and every possible outcome of the upcoming talk. He had been amused by some of the possibilities-he had no idea where Shelagh thought Sister Evangelina may access a tiger from at such short notice, and he didn't even want to think about the barrel idea. Neither them had noticed, however that all the possibilities involved Sister Evangelina, Sister Monica Joan or the nurses. The idea of Sister Julienne reacting with anything less than a shocked silence followed by a comforting word and unrelenting support had occurred to neither one of them such was the closeness of the former sisters. So when Shelagh had appeared at the door of his flat sobbing about how sister Julienne had rejected her and broken her heart Patrick had been horrified. Early on in their secret relationship Shelagh had explained their closeness and how much the friendship meant to her. Even now the thought of Shelagh's face as he had opened the door sent an unbearable pain to his chest.

'It was expected.' She sighed. 'Mostly.'

'But it still hurt.'

'Yes. And at least there weren't any tigers or poisoned food or shotguns. Can we not talk about it anymore please.'

'Of course. Did Tim go to bed alright?'

'Yes. Oh Patrick he said how happy he was to have a mum to put him to bed again.' She beamed. 'I pointed out that he'd have to go without it again for a few months but... oh this is really real isn't it? It's really happening.'

'If it isn't then it's the greatest dream I've ever had. And I never want to wake up from it.'

'Neither do I.'

'I can't believe I actually get to hold you in my arms for a night. No more sneaking around and rushed visits.'

'Sleeping in your arms, waking in them, will be one of my proudest moments.'

'I don't know what I've done to deserve you.'

'We deserve each other. This love, this family, this joy is a gift from God.'

'Quite right.'

'How was the accident at the dock? You're home earlier than I expected.'

'Nothing to write home about. I'll have to pop around to Nonnatus tomorrow and see if I can't find those leaving forms for you.'

'Oh there's no need for that. Cynthia snuck in and got them for me. It's all signed and returned.' She smiled sadly.

'So you're officially Shelagh Mannion again.'

'Yes. But not for much longer I hope.'

'No.'

'Let's get married tomorrow, on the way to the sanatorium. I don't want to wait any longer to be your wife.' She said earnestly dropping kisses to multiple parts of his face.

'You deserve a better wedding than that.'

'We can invite the nurses and out friends to our house after I'm out of the sanatorium and we can celebrate then. I want to enter there as Mrs Turner.'

'Our house. Mrs Turner. Those might just be some of the most beautiful words in human history. But yes, let's do it. Let's get married tomorrow.' They kissed languidly for several minutes before curling up together, enjoying each others company. She began to cry softly into his shoulder.

'Darling what is it? What's wrong?'

'I'm so happy. But I'm so scared. I have tuberculosis Patrick. I can't stop thinking about it. As much as I love talking about being your wife it's unavoidable. I could die and I'd have wasted months not being your wife. I could die and take our child with me. It could come back and I'd almost certainly die and I'd leave my children without a mother, Timothy for the second time. And you'd be widowed again. I know you and doctor Matthews said I'll be fine and that you caught it early enough but every day we see unexpected medical problems, people suddenly getting worse. I'm so scared Patrick.'

'Oh my love.' He squeezed her to him even tighter, dropping a kiss into her hair. 'You are right that no one can tell what medical dramas will present, that things could escalate. But I can tell you that I will be there every step of the way with you, that I will do everything I can to prevent any harm coming to you. Besides you said it yourself, this joy of ours is a gift from God. He'll watch over you. Between Him, Tim, Tadpole, the staff at the sanatorium, the nurses and myself no preventable harm will ever be allowed to get to you.'

'Thank you. I love you so much.'

'I love you more.'

'I love you most.'


	5. Chapter 5

'Shelagh!' Trixie cried joyfully as they walked into the sitting room of the sanatorium. Several patients glared at both blondes.

'Hello Trixie.' Shelagh laughed as the nurse threw herself at her. She drew the woman into a tight hug before pulling back and hugging Cynthia and Jenny. 'Oh it's so good to see you all. I've missed you so terribly.' She beamed excitedly between them.

'We've missed you too.'

'Your phone calls have been a lifeline in here.'

'You look wonderful. How's Tadpole?' Jenny asked glancing at Shelagh's larger than average for 3 months pregnant belly.

'Well actually I have some news on that front. Come sit.' She led them over to where two sofas sat facing each other.

'So? What's the news?'

'I was being checked over by the midwife who works here ...you'd be surprised how many patients here are pregnant ..and she noticed something.'

'What? Is everything okay with the baby?'

'Well let's just say Tadpoles would be a more accurate name for bump here.' Shelagh smirked.

'Tadpoles? Plural? You're having twins?' Trixie gasped.

'I'm having twins.' Shelagh confirmed the widest, proudest grin any of the woman had even seen splitting her face.

'Congratulations!' Trixie pulled Shelagh into an awkward sideways hug.

'That's wonderful. I'm so pleased for you.'

'Thank you. It's going to be hectic but I can't wait.'

'Do you want all boys or all girls or a mix?'

'I'm not sure. Both of them being healthy is all I want but I think I'd like one of each. My best friends growing up were boy/girl twins and they were so close. I haven't seen them since I left Scotland...i suppose I should phone them really.'

'That would be nice.'

'I can't believe you're a married woman now. Who'd have thought you and Chummy would be the first two to get married.'

'The nun and the self-professed walking accident.' Shelagh chuckled. 'Hardly top of the list.'

'You sounded so happy in your phone calls but I have to ask in person what's it like being married?'

'Well I hardly have a typical marriage. I only see my husband 4 times a week.'

'Why?'

'Too much of a health risk. He would be here every second of he could but...Tim's allowed here even less though as my treatment goes on they're both allowed here more and more. I didn't see Patrick for the first 10 days after we married.'

'Oh no.'

'Yes that wasn't pleasant. But Patrick's going to announce he and Timothy are leaving tomorrow. We've narrowed down some potential places to live so Patrick's going to visit them and report back, see if there are any jobs going there.'

'Where are you thinking?'

'Somewhere by the sea. But not too far away. Perhaps Margate or near there. Possibly Southend on Sea. Possibly Brighton. Patrick's got a lot of traveling to do soon.'

'That sounds nice.'

'I just can't believe I'm in a position where I'm debating where my husband, stepson, future children and I should live. I still haven't fully accepted everything that's happened. Being here..It's like I've gone on holiday. It feels like I should be going back to Nonnatus. None of this is how I expected it to be. I don't live with my husband or stepson, I don't know where I'm living. Until that's happened and I have my babies in my arms I can't sit still.' Shelagh admitted.

'Oh Shelagh.'

'Not that there will be much time to sit still with twins running around. Patrick and I were both rather energetic, inquisitive, mischievous children so I shudder to imagine what the tadpoles will be like.'

'Not to mention they'll be hitting the terrible twos around the same time Tim becomes a teenager.' Trixie giggled as Shelagh paled.

'Oh my. They are aren't they. That never even occurred to me. What have we done? It's going to be a nightmare.'

'What is love?' Patrick appeared behind them.

'Patrick!' Shelaghs face lit up. 'I wasn't expecting you until later.'

'Don't worry.' He leant down and kissed her. 'I'm not here to interrupt your catch up with the girls. I'm not even here to see you.'

'Oh you're visiting your mistress then?'

'Indeed. We're plotting to do away with you. 7 weeks is entirely too long to be married. Actually I'm here to see Derek.'

'Ah. Has he found something then?'

'Possibly. I'll discuss it with you later. Ladies.' He nodded to them before striding off.

'Derek?'

'Dr Richards. His brother works at a hospital in Southend and he and Patrick have become friends so he said he'd ask his brother of there were any job openings there. Patrick's made friends with almost everyone in here. There's a few people who know me only as Patrick's wife even though it's me they see everyday.' Shelagh chuckled.

'He is rather endearing isn't he?'

'Hands off Cynthia, he's taken.' Shelagh grinned.

'Did we mention Chummy's coming home next month?'

'She is? Oh how lovely. She's got quite the surprise to come home to hadn't she.'

'Do you want us to send her here?'

'If you wouldn't mind. And if she doesn't care about the tadpoles origin.'

'She's hardly best placed to judge.'

'Yes I noticed she didn't marry in white.'

'She'll just be glad you're happy. Will you even still be here next month? What have the doctor's said?'

'I'm recovering well. They expect I'll be discharged within a month so I may still be here. If I'm not still here then you'll be the first to get my address. Oh I can't wait. I'll get to be a proper wife, an actual stepmum. I'll be Shelagh Turner not just another patient in a sanatorium or sister Bernadette sneaking around. I'll get to live my life.'

'And we're all just thrilled for you. Though it's strange not seeing you everyday.'

'How are...how are the sisters? Patrick says he barely sees them anymore.'

'They're uh...fine.'

'You're a terrible liar Cynthia.'

'Sister Evangelina is grumpier than ever, sister Monica Joan keeps asking where you are, which makes sister Evangelina even grumpier.'

'And Sister Julienne?'

'Barely talks to anyone and had buried herself in work.'

'Oh. Oh dear.'

'We hear her crying sometimes. They all miss you.'

'I miss them too. But they hurt me. I need to protect my babies from any potential harm. Even if it's potential harm from the two women I love most in the world.'

'Oh Shelagh.' Trixie's heart broke anew at the sadness on her friends voice. 'They'll forgive you. They just want you to be okay.'

'It's easier for everyone I if leave them alone. Well it's not easier for you ladies, and I am truly sorry for putting you in the middle of all of this, but I just can't.'

'Okay.'

'You haven't told them anything have you?' Shelagh asked suspiciously.

'No of course not.'

'Good. One day...maybe...we'll be okay...But not now. Enough about me. How are you all doing?

'Same old. There's not much going on in poplar. Even the births are down. Everyone seems to have calmed down after the hot weather thankfully.'

'And Jane? How is she?'

'She's doing okay. She misses you. She wanted to come with us but they couldn't spare four of us at once so she said she'd come some other time. Soon hopefully. She credits you with her growth you know. I never realised the two of you had spent so much time together, that you had taken her under your wing and helped her. She's doing so well. You'd be proud of her. I also never knew that you helped her with her feelings with the Reverend. They're still pottering along together. It's quite cute really. She's visiting his parish next month. I do so hope they find happiness.'

'Are you sure you can handle the walking disaster, a nun AND a woman who wouldn't say boo to a goose finding romantic happiness before you Trixie?' Shelagh teased.

'I could reconcile myself to it eventually.'


	6. Chapter 6

'Nonnatus House, Midwife speaking.'

'Trixie?'

'Patrick! Why are you phoning here?' It had been several months since the Turners had left Poplar and their much awaited children were due to be born any day. Being so tiny herself the stress on Shelagh's body had been massive and she had been quite unwell for the past month. Cynthia had moved in with them as their midwife last week telling the nuns she had a family issue-which was entirely correct as far as any of them were concerned.

The fact that Patrick was phoning Nonnatus House directly meant that either something wonderful had happened or something terrible had. She sent up a brief prayer that it was the former.

'Could you get to a phonebox?' His voice gave no hint to the tone of the situation.

'Of course. Is everything okay?'

'Yes. All is well.' She let out a sigh of relief.

'Good. I'll phone back in a few minutes.'

* * *

'Patrick?'

'Ah good. You're free to talk?'

'Of course.'

'The tadpoles are now tiny little frogs. Shelagh's had the babies.' She could hear the proud grin down the phone. She squealed, bouncing on her toes.

'She has? How marvellous! What has she had? Are they okay? Is she okay? Who do they look like? Have they been named yet?' She had so many questions she felt she was going to burst. It had been hard being so far from the reality of her dear friend's pregnancy and every morsel of information she could gather in between visits was taken in eagerly.

'We have a little boy and a little girl. And they are completely perfect. Matthew James was born first and is the spit of his Mum and Catherine Aurora was second-she's the perfect mix of the two of us, Shelagh's eyes and hair, my mother's nose and my ears poor girl.' They chuckled. Patrick had oft complained about the possibility of one of his children inheriting his ears. Both vividly recalled the emotional response Shelagh had had in response to one of those occasions. She had been greatly upset, then filled with fury, at his self-depreciation. Those mood swings alone were enough to put Trixie of starting a family for a good few more years.

'How lovely. How's Shelagh?'

'Tired but ecstatic. She did so well. I'm so proud. It was a long labour and it took a lot out of her but she's already back in charge and giving us all orders. She's so happy. It's marvellous. Timothy absolutely dotes on the pair of them already. He's going to be such a fantastic brother. Shelagh's going to be an amazing Mum-she already is. Oh and Cynthia did a stand up job herself-she was exactly the right midwife for Shelagh. It was so lovely of her to take the break from Nonnatus.'

'If only the nuns had known what it was for.' They laughed.

'Indeed. Sorry I have to go. My child needs me.' Patrick said proudly as she heard a faint wail in the background.

'Well I'll let you go then Daddy. I'll tell the girls-they'll be over the moon. You give that wife of yours a massive hug from us all.'

'I will, and thank you. For this and for everything these past months. To all of you.'

'We love Shelagh and we're moderately fond of you.' She teased. He chuckled. 'We could never turn our backs on you when something so wonderful happened to you. And I hope we manage to come see them as soon as possible.

'We'd like that. Already Shelagh has told them all about their aunts in Poplar. Speak to you soon.'

'Yes. And congratulations. Bye.'

'Bye.'

* * *

 

'Come here.' Patrick walked back into his bedroom to find his wife back in bed with heir hours old son nestled in her arm. Grinning wider than he had ever done before he settled himself gently next to the woman he still couldn't believe had ran away with him and given him a family.

'Where's…'

'Timmy took her. Oh Patrick he's such a good brother already. I was so worried he would feel pushed out, especially when we found out it was twins. They would outnumber him. I have a biological son now-I don't want Tim to feel like that makes him any less my son.'

'Shelagh that boy adores you. He adores his baby brother and sister too. Just ask him yourself.' Patrick smiled as the boy in question appeared in the doorway cradling his sister.

'You're my mum. The three of us have the same parents-I just have two mothers. Yes our history as a family is a bit unusual and yes you and I share no biology but that doesn't mean I don't love you. I know you love me, I know you won't intend to ever make me feel like less of your son. But it's okay if you do. Because you chose to love me when you didn't have to. You're stuck with these two now-you have no choice but to love them. If anything it makes me more special than them.'

'You are very special to me sweetheart. Sit with me?' The boy sat awkwardly on the edge of the bed. After a minute of awkward shuffling and swapping over of babies they were soon all sat comfortably on the bed.

'Shelagh?'

'Yes dearest?'

'You know what we were just talking about? How you're my mother?

'Yes?'

'Could I…could I maybe call you Mum?'

'Oh my darling sweet boy nothing would make me happier.' From the doorway, unseen by the family so deeply engrossed in each other, Cynthia smiled sadly. If only the nuns could know of this joy their former Sister had found. If only they could see the love and joy and peaceful rightness of the family Cynthia knew all would be forgiven and forgotten in a heartbeat.

* * *

 

'Trixie what is it? What on earth can be so desperate you have to drag us into your room mid afternoon?' Jenny scowled. Trixie shushed her, checking the corridor outside once more before closing the door tightly and explaining quietly.

'It's Shelagh. She's had the babies. A little boy called Matthew James and a girl called Catherine Aurora. Both healthy. Both beautiful apparently. Shelagh's already telling them of all their aunts in Poplar. Patrick sounded happier than I've ever heard him.'

'Oh how wonderful. A boy and a girl! Just what she wanted.' Chummy grinned. She had been shocked when the nurses had explained the situation to her and Peter but both Noakes' had been beyond happy for the pair and had agreed to keep quiet. Baring a few near slips they had continued to hide the news from the nuns. Not long after they had found out they had visited the Turners, telling the nuns they were visiting a friend they had made in Sierra Leone. Until Chummy had clapped eyed on the woman who was extraordinarily pregnant she had half beloved that the nurses had been pulling her leg. But they hadn't. And it was wonderful.

After Freddie's birth Peter had managed to organise a private phone call between his wife and her friends promising to visit but as of yet neither couple had had the time.

And now Shelagh too was a Mum to a young boy, and also to a little girl. She couldn't help but wish that her boy would grow up closer to his cousins but The Turners couldn't come back and The Noakes' had lives and a family support network in Poplar. Frequent visits would have to suffice for now.

As if reading her thoughts Trixie continued on-

'I promised we'd visit as soon as we could. So who wants to draw straws to see who gets to go see our niece and nephew first?'


	7. Chapter 7

'Are you sure?' Sister Julienne frowned up at the Doctor before her.

'I'm sure. I'm very sorry Sister.' He nodded at them all before leaving the sitting room where they had congregated.

Doctor Johnson had been in Poplar several months now but Sister Julienne still didn't quite trust him. There was something about him the she just didn't like. As a nun she was supposed to love all but there was just something..off about him. She supposed it could just be the fact that he wasn't Doctor Turner that unsettled her. Doctor Turner had been in Poplar for over 20 years-he knew how things were done and how to accommodate the needs and whims of the nuns so long as they didn't impede medical advancement or recovery. She missed him.

Ever since _she_ had left Poplar the Sister had clung to what she knew and what she trusted, her world had already been turned upside down once. But he had left and been replaced by an unfeeling, stubborn young Doctor who thought he knew everything. He was a good doctor she had to admit, but he was no Doctor Turner. And now her life was changing again.

Sister Monica Joan was dying.

It was days like this she missed Sister Bernadette most. Her quiet strength and fortitude, her strong will and calm presence was sorely missed in Nonnatus House. Sister Winifred was a lovely young girl, full of unending happiness and eagerness, but sometimes it was like dealing with a wind up toy that was permanently wound up.

Oh what hadn't she been more forgiving to Sister Bernadette when she had come to her that life changing night over a year ago. The poor girl had probably been terrified-struck down by a potentially fatal illness and facing a life changing development. She had wanted someone to tell her everything would be okay but instead had faced harsh words and rejection from those she loved most dearly.

She would be a mother by now assuming the unthinkable had not happened. She prayed nightly that it had not. That child should be her family, that child _was_ her family, even if she did not know it. She didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl. She ached to know. Sometimes, unbidden, the most horrific outcome of all would occur to her- tuberculosis in a pregnant mother carried distinct risks. What if both Sister Bernadette and her unborn child had been lost before she could apologise for her actions. She couldn't stand those thoughts and would go to her office and catch up on paperwork or read a book-anything to stop her thinking.

Sister Julienne had lost the one person she cared most for in her life and now she was losing someone else very dear to her heart. She wasn't sure she could bear it.

'She should be here.' She mused aloud, not realising she had spoken aloud until several sad gazes moved to face her confused.

'Who should Sister?' Jane asked quietly.

'Sister Bernadette. They both deserve a chance to say goodbye.' The nurses looked at each, silently debating the unspoken decision they had instantly made.

'Yes. She should.' Trixie stood and made to leave.

'Where are you going?'

'To phone her. Like you said, she deserves the chance to say goodbye.' Trixie smiled nervously, aware of the situation she was placing herself in.

'You know where she is?' Sister Julienne gasped.

'I do. I have done every day since the day she left. She will want to know.'

'You knew and you never told me?' Sister Julienne was heartbroken.

'She didn't want you to know. We made her a promise. She knew what she had done was wrong but you hurt her deeply.' Jenny said sadly.

'You knew too?' She had trusted her nurses, trusted them enough to let them see how distraught she had been by Sister Bernadette's sudden departure, had been comforted by them as she broke down at the dinner table whenever she accidentally went to address the absent nun, had let them take her in their arms as she had to accept defeat and stop searching.

'We all did. We've been visiting her-that's why we've taken so many personal holidays.' Cynthia explained.

'Is she okay? The TB?!'

'She's okay. But I do not wish to disclose anymore without Shelagh's permission. Now I'll go phone her.' Trixie smiled weakly, squeezing the stunned nuns shoulder.

'Turner Household, Mrs Turner speaking.' Trixie's heart sank as the chipper voice of her dear friend came down the line. Shelagh had finally found total happiness in her life but Trixie was going to have to bring that crashing back into her old reality.

'Shelagh!'

'Hello Trixie. We weren't due for a catch up today were we?'

'No. Something's happened.' She sighed.

'Trixie? What's going on?'

'Sister Monica Joan went wandering again. She fell in the river, she's got pneumonia. Shelagh this is it, the doctor says she's not going to survive it this time.' Trixie explained gently. She heard Shelagh gasp and a gentle thud she assumed to be her leaning heavily against the wall

'Oh.'Shelagh's exclamation was barely audible yet the distress in it was clear.

'Would you…would you like to come and say goodbye? Sister Julienne knows now that we know where you are but we haven't told her anything else. She's really missed you She. The first thing she asked was if you were alright. She loves you. And I know how much you love her too.'

'Trix..I don't know. Obviously I _want_ to go back and say goodbye to her. I love Sister Monica Joan. I desperately want to see them all again but I don't know if I can.'

'This will be your only chance to say goodbye, to reconcile with Sister Monica Joan. Think about it-you could reconcile with Sisters Evangelina and Julienne as well. Maybe this is a sign from Him that the time is now.'

'Okay. I'll have to bring the twins though-Patrick's at work, Tim's at school and I don't trust anyone else enough with them. I'll be there in an hour.'

'Thank you. It'll be nice to see you again without the secrecy.'

'I know. And I'm sorry i've forced you to keep quiet. That ends today-whether they throw me out on my ear or not they know you know. You won't have to hide it.'

'Not a problem. We all love you so much. We just want you to be happy.'

'I love you too. I'd better get ready to leave.'

'See you soon then She.' Trixie put down the phone and walked back into the sitting room smiling tightly. Sister Julienne jumped up, eager for news. 'She's on her way.'

'Who is?' Sister Evangelina strode in.

'Sister Bernadette. It seems our nurses have known where she is all along.' Sister Julienne frowned at the nurses who shifted uncomfortably in their seats.

'Oh. Is she…okay?'

'Very much so. But we'd best leave the details to her.' Sister Evangelina nodded and left the room again, her head spinning with all that was happening.

'Why didn't you say anything? You knew how much I missed her, how much I regretted my actions that day.' The nun asked quietly, unable to get the hurt from her voice.

'And we told her that. But she was still too afraid to get in contact. In theory you may be kind but in practise…she didn't know quite how you'd react. She's so happy, she has the perfect life and she didn't want to upset the apple cart as it were.'

'I suppose I can understand that. And I don't suppose you're willing to tell me anything else?'

'No. That's up to She.'


	8. Chapter 8

_KNOCK KNOCK_

'That'll be Shelagh. I'll get the door.' Cynthia scurried out of the room. 'Hello Shelagh. Hello little one.'

'Can you take-thanks.' Sister Julienne's head shot up the instant the oh so familiar voice wafted through the hall. Tears sprung to her eyes- she was here, she was finally here again.

'Well uh..come on in then.'

'Thank you.' The gentle click clack of heels on wood sounded before the face Sister Julienne had longed to see for 18 months appeared nervously around the corner a young child in her arms, his head resting on her shoulder as he sucked on his thumb. 'Hello Sister Julienne. Long time no see.' She smiled nervously.

Slowly, carefully Sister Julienne stood and walked over to her. Everyone held their breath. The nun stared at her for second, her eyes roaming over her face as if to check her over for damage. She took in the long flowing waves on golden hair that spilled over the former nuns shoulders, the subtle yet effective dusting on makeup that accentuated the features she knew so well, the basic dress that showed a better figure than the nun have ever imagined her to have-especially after having a child. Her gaze moved swiftly over to the young boy in her arms-he looked so much like his mother it was almost scary. She let out an audible sigh of relief. They were fine. Sister Bernadette and her child were alive and looked healthy.

'Who's this?' She asked quietly, smiling as the boy turned his gaze to her and fixed her with the same piercing blue eyes she had known for so many years.

'This is Mattie. And this is Kitty.' Shelagh smiled proudly as Cynthia carried her daughter in. Sister Julienee's face lit up.

'Twins?' She clapped her hands together joyfully, clutching them to her heart as it swelled.

'Yes. My twins.' Shelagh nodded proudly.

'Oh Si-Shelagh. They're beautiful. They're perfect.'

'Not when they work together against us at 3am they're not.' Shelagh rolled her eyes as the nurses laughed knowingly having heard tales of, and lived through, the awesome power of the twins' innate ability to gang up against whoever was watching them.

'May I-' She gestured towards the boy who reached out a pudgy hand to her.

'Looks like he's decided for himself.' Shelagh smiled handing him over.

'Hello Mattie. Oh aren't you precious!'

'We'll leave you four alone.' Cynthia smiled handing Kitty to her Mummy before the nurses all left with a parting glance and the newly reunited pair.

'Thank you.' Sister Julienne sat down stunned as the boy snuggled into her. She softly ran her hand over his downy hair and trailed her thumb over his features, her eyes roaming all over him, drinking in as much as she could and committing it to memory. She had many months of memories to catch up on with him, his sister and his Mummy. His _Mummy._ She quickly glanced up at the woman who was currently burrowing her face in her daughters hair with a soppy grin.

'Sis-Shelagh, I don't know if I can ever apologise enough for what I did that night. You needed me, you needed my unequivocal support and I turned my back on you. I loved you and I betrayed you when you needed me most. That's unforgivable.' She looked down into her lap, too ashamed to meet her friends eyes.

'No it's not. What I did was shocking and I betrayed you all. I never expected it to go well.'

'I can't imagine you expected it to go as badly as it did though.'

'No. I didn't.' Shelagh admitted sadly. 'I truly am sorry for how I did it but I refuse to apologise for what I did. I have a husband who adores me and the three greatest children anyone could ever ask for.' She smiled brightly as her thoughts turned to them.

'Three?'

'I have a stepson, though honestly I love him just as much as his brother and sister.'

'I see.' This didn't surprise the nun. Sister Bernadette had always been good with children and certainly had a large enough heart to embrace a child who was not her own. 'All I cared about after the shock wore off was that you were okay, that you were safe and healthy and happy.'

'I am. I've truly never been happier.'

'I'm glad. Oh Shelagh I have missed you so much. Every day and every night I would pray for you and your child. You are completely recovered from the tuberculosis? It didn't affect the children did it?' She frowned.

'I am fighting fit and the children are fine. No lasting effects so far as anyone can tell.'

'I am glad. I tried to find you whilst you were at the sanatorium but they wouldn't tell me anything. I suppose I didn't really even know who to ask for. You may well have been married by then.'

'I know you visited. You nearly bumped into Jenny. I got into quite a panic. Jane calmed me down thankfully else I'd have gotten into rather a state and that wouldn't have helped these two at all.'

'They really have known all this time?'

'They've known everything since about an hour after Ieft here. After I left they went out searching for me, and they found me. Everytime I've sneezed or coughed since then they've known abut it. I don't think I could have done it without them. I thank the Lord every day for their help and support. Cynthia was my midwife-I could only ever chose a Nonnatun. They all consider these two their niece and nephew. I've been incredibly lucky. We both have.'

'Shelagh-I'm sorry but I have to ask, who are you married to? Who is the father of your children?'

'Doctor Turner.' Shelagh revealed nervously. She heard the shocked gasp emanating from the nun and looked further down at the child in her arms.

'Oh. But he didn't leave when you did?'

'We agreed there was no point raising alarm bells by running away together when I was going to the sanatorium for several months anyways. He staggered his departure. We married the day I entered there though. I didn't want to spend any more time not being his wife than I had to.' Sister Julienne smiled. As surreal as the situation was she was glad that her former sister had married such a good man.

'Shelagh look at me. I'm not mad. Far from it. He treats you well?' Shelagh nodded, smiling shyly.

'So very well. He's completely besotted with me and he's the most fantastic father. Tim is a great brother too. We're all so happy. Oh Sister I never imagined I could be this happy.'

'My dear girl. Shelagh. I'm so very happy for you. I'm so proud of you. You found the life He wanted for you even though it must have been incredibly hard to do.'

'So you don't hate me?' Shelagh asked in a small voice.

'Of course I don't. I love you.'

'You forgive me for breaking my vow?'

'If you'll forgive me for the way I treated you?'

'Of course. Oh come here.' Shelagh moved her daughter onto the floor, the nun following suit, and pulled Sister Julienne into a hug. 'I love you too Sister. I've missed you so much.'

'As I have you.' Sister Julienne's eyes filled with tears. 'Please don't ever run away again. I have been so very scared-you know how much I love you, how much I see you as my own child. Every day I've been without you has been so very painful. Knowing you could have died from the TB, that your child could have been lost to it, or that you could be happily married and living the perfect life was so hard. Not knowing how you were was unbearable. Please Shelagh-please don't ever leave me again.' The nun broke down into sobs. Shelagh drew her tighter and let the nun cry into her, muttering words of comfort to her.

'It's okay. I'm here. I'm not going to leave I promise. You'll never lose me again. I'm here. I'm healthy. The children are healthy. We're all okay.'

'I'm sorry Shelagh.'

'No problem Sister. I didn't want to leave you you know. I didn't have a choice. I couldn't stay here-not with the gossip. That wasn't fair on the kids, Timmy, Patrick, you or myself. I couldn't keep in contact with you because every time I thought of you I would start crying.'

'I understand.'

'Sister-where is Sister Evangelina?' Shelagh asked, well aware of the conspicuous absence from the area.

'I think she's hiding. She's somewhat embarrassed by how she treated you. Once the shock and anger wore off she was horrified by what she'd said. She loved you. She still does.'

'Jenny said Sister Evangelina was perpetually grumpy after I left?'

'She was angry at herself for how she reacted, angry with you for upsetting the status quo, angry with me for not being able to move right on.'

'I'm sorry.'

'Don't be. You did what you had to do for yourself and your family. You made the right choice. Deep down she knows that and she hasn't even met your children or know they've doubled, or it could be argued tripled, from the amount she thinks. She'll see you soon I'm sure. It was quite a shock to her to suddenly discover you were only an hour or so away from being here once more.'

'Thank you.' An almost comfortable silence descended as they watched the twins babble to each other. Sighing heavily Shelagh returned the conversation to the original purpose of her appearance. 'Sister-is Sister Monica Joan really going to die?' In that moment Shelagh looked younger than the nun had ever seen her.

'I think so sweetheart. Barring an actual miracle of divine intervention.'

'Oh.'

'Would you-do you want to go and say goodbye.' Sister Julienne asked tentatively.

'Not really. But I have to. Is she in her room?'

'Yes. Do you want me to come with you?' She offered. Shelagh smiled at her thankfully but shook her head gently.

'No. Thank you. I need to do this alone. Will you be okay with the both of them?'

'If you're willing to trust me with them?'

'Of course I do. I'll be back in a few minutes my darlings.' She brushed a kiss across the twins foreheads. 'Be good for Nana.' She grinned at Sister Julienne who's jaw dropped. 'We may not have been talking but you are still my mother. These are still your grandchildren.' With that Shelagh left Sister Julienne grinning widely at the children.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was as far as I got with this fic and I suppose there's worse places to end it.


End file.
